Final Fantasy VII in Romeo and Juliet
by Light of the Skies
Summary: Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Midgar, where we lay our scene. From recent grudge break to new battles, Where Mako makes gloved hands unclean...
1. Act One The Slums Brawl

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy Seven characters or Shakespeares play, though do I ever wish I did.  
  
Final Fantasy Seven in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet  
  
Starring  
  
Of the house of Avalanche  
-------------------------  
Cloud Strife: Romeo  
Aeris Gainsborough: Mercutio  
Barret Wallace: Benvolio  
Wedge: Balthasar  
Jessie: Abraham  
Biggs: Montague Servingman  
Cid Highwind: Montague  
Shera: Lady Montague  
  
Of the house of Shinra  
----------------------  
Tifa Lockheart: Juliet  
Yuffie Kisaragi: Juliet's Nurse  
Sephiroth: Tybalt  
Jenova: Lady Capulet  
Hojo: Capulet  
Rude: Paris  
Rufus Shinra: Peter  
Elena: Sampson  
Reno Tarshil: Gregory  
  
Of neither houses  
-----------------  
Omega Weapon: Prince Escalus  
Bugenhaagen: Friar Laurence  
Heidegger: Apothecary  
  
  
Two households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Midgar, where we lay our scene,  
From recent grudge break to new battles,  
Where Mako makes gloved hands unclean.  
From forth the conflicts of these two enemies  
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life;  
The which of you with patient ears attend,  
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.   
  
  
*Enter Reno and Elena, servingmen of the house of Shinra.*  
  
Elena:Reno, on my word, we'll not carry Mako.  
  
Reno:No, for then we shall be workmen.  
  
Elena:And if we work in Mako, we will become mutants.  
  
Reno:Thus, our meaningless lives will be over.  
  
Elena:This parts boring.  
  
Reno:I agree. Let's skip to the fight.  
  
Elena:Ok  
Um... Draw thy Electro-Mag Rod! Here comes three of the house of Avalanche!  
  
*Enter Wedge, Jessie and Biggs, of the house of Avalanche.*  
  
Elena:Avalanche soldiers ho! Quarrel, Reno, I will back thee.  
  
Reno:Quarrel, you say? Right.  
  
*Reno turns and flips the three Avalanche members off.*  
  
Wedge:Yooo…. Did you just flip us off?   
  
Reno:If I say yes, would that be bad?  
  
Biggs:Uhhh… I dunno.   
  
Elena:I dunno either. Let's just assume so.  
  
Reno:Hey Elena! You're supposed to be on my side!  
  
Elena:Yea, well you never said yes! I'm just giving my opinion! Can't I do that without a third-degree hassling from you?  
I mean, who do you think you are anyway? You're not all big and bad so you just need to chill out!  
  
Reno:...  
  
Jessie:Are you playing games with us? Cuz if so, we'll kill you!   
  
*Reno pulls out his Electro-Mag Rod.*  
  
Reno:Really, now?   
  
Wedge: Yeah!  
  
Elena:Draw if you be men!  
  
Jessie:What if we're NOT men...  
  
Biggs:Draw anyway, are you gonna miss out on a good fight beating up them TURKS? Besides, here comes good ol' Barret!!  
  
*They fight.*  
  
*Enter Barret Wallace, of the house of Avalanche.*  
  
Barret:Heellooo, wussup people?   
….  
Oh yeah. Um, part fools! Or I'll hafta kill you all!  
  
Reno:As if you could! Feel the wrath of my Electro-Mag Rod! Mwahaha!!  
  
Barret:Grr... *unleashes a blast of bullets*  
  
Wedge:Hey Barret, buddy watch out! You just took out that pub!  
  
Reno:That was my favourite pub! You're gonna pay now!  
  
*Enter Sephiroth, of the house of Shinra.*  
  
Seph:A bloody skirmish! I want in! Barret, look upon thy death! *Draws his long sword*  
  
Barret:Wait, no, Sephiroth!! You're supposed to make peace first!  
  
Seph:Psh. 'Peace'. I hate the word as I hate all Avalanche Soldiers!  
  
Barret:Probably. Understandable.  
  
Seph:*Maniacal laugh* Taste my long sword ho! Have at thee, coward! Midgar will burn!  
  
Barret:AAAAAAAAAAAH! We're not supposed to fight for real! Calm down, Sephiroth!! Agh!  
  
Seph:Fire fire! Buurn Midgar, burn burn!  
  
*Sephiroth steps through the flames as his silvery hair glints in the firelight.*  
*Enter Omega Weapon*  
  
O.W:*stomp stomp* What noise is this?! Killing the Planet?? AGAIN!? Vile scullions, you must pay!!   
  
*Omega Weapon unleashes a torrent of artillery blowing up sector two of Midgar. *  
  
Reno:Hey. Who invited Omega Weapon into this?  
  
Jessie:Them playwrights thought it would look good and impressive.  
  
Wedge:And they don't care about Midgar?  
  
Elena:Guess not. *stomp* Ooh watch out! This suit was just dry cleaned!  
  
O.W:Rebellious humans! Profaners of this gloom filled reactor! Enemies to peace --  
  
Reno:Oh, WE'RE enemies to peace? Look who just destroyed half of midgar!  
  
O.W:Shut up. *stomp* Shunt thy weapons aside or I will blow Midgar into little bits! If you wanna test my patience,   
or be a fool like this being under my stainless steel foot, watch this! Say goodbye to Costa Del Sol!   
  
*In a flurry of missiles, Costa Del Sol is reduced to rubble.*  
  
All:…  
  
O.W:Good. Now get outta my sight. I mean... on pain of death, all men depart!  
  
All:Yessir.  
  
*Victory music plays. Exit all*  
  
*Enter Barret, Cid and Shera Highwind of the house of Avalanche*  
  
Cid:Where's that kid, Cloud? Saw you him today?  
  
Barret:Nope. No idea.  
  
Shera:I don't know either, hon, he's been out all day. Good thing he wasn't at the slums brawl. His buster blade is still  
under re-sharpening.  
  
Cid:Bah. @$#%! Barret! Go find him.  
  
*Exit Cid and Shera of the house of Avalanche*  
*Enter Cloud of the house of Avalanche*  
  
Barret:Heeey, Cloud what's been up?  
  
Cloud:Nothing too much. Those kidz in Sector 5 were calling me 'Chocobo-headed' again.  
  
Barret:Really? That what got you so down?  
  
Cloud:Nah. The Seven Eleven ran out of Premium Hair Glue.  
  
*Enter Aeris of the house of Avalanche*  
  
Aeris:Guys! Guess what! There's a party going down tonight at the House of Shinra's! We're not gonna miss out on this   
are we? This is too good! I mean, I know exactly what I'm gonna wear! You know that silk pink dress with the vest  
on the cover of Seventeen? Sweet! I got it today and --  
What?  
  
Barret:Eh, hate to burst your happy lil bubble, but aren't we the mortal enemies of the House of Shinra? Besides, Cloud   
here ran out of his hair glue.  
  
Aeris:No reason to miss out on a good party! Besides, I have a stop spell on me! How convenient! I've been waiting to  
do this for a while! Barret, hold him upside down.  
  
Cloud:*shriek*  
  
Barret:Heh, got ya! Hold still now..  
  
*Aeris casts the stop spell on Cloud's hair. Barret sets him back down*  
  
Aeris:Look! Even better than hair glue!  
  
Cloud:Hey... I guess it isn't all that bad!  
  
Aeris:Of course not! Well, the party's at eight! Get ready!  
  
*Aeris bounces off while Barret and Cloud return to the House of Avalanche. In other words, exit all.* 


	2. Act Two The Shinra Party

Now old desire doth in the lifestream lie  
And young affection flows in Mako filled mood  
That fair for which love groaned for and would die  
With sweet Tifa matched is now the bald Rude.  
Now Cloud is beloved and loves again,  
Alike by the bewitching charm of black skirt  
But to his foe supposed he must complain  
And she steals love's sweet bait and cause much hurt.  
But passion lends them power, time means to meet  
Temp'ring extremities with extreme sweet.  
  
*Enter Jenova and Hojo of the house of Shinra*  
  
Jenova: At long last, I am free from this treacherous cage.  
  
Hojo: Heheh, why ... yes, you are.  
  
Jenova: --What! You! You are the one who imprisoned me, no?  
  
Hojo: Um, heheh ...uh nooo, that was Gast.. not.. me.  
  
Jenova:Oh.  
  
Hojo: So you won't kill me?  
  
Jenova:I'll consider. Now... where is my son...?  
  
Hojo: You don't have a son. You have a daughter: Tifa.   
  
Jenova:What?! Sephiroth is my son!   
  
Hojo: No... Sephiroth is MY son! *sigh* Look. Here's the down low:  
You are simply a scientific experiment gone horribly wrong so --   
  
Jenova:WHAT IS THIS?!   
  
Hojo:I ah... it was all Gast's idea I swear! I'm gonna.. ah.. go prepare for the party now!  
  
*Exit Hojo of the house of Shinra*  
*Enter Tifa of the house of Shinra*  
  
Jenova:You, girl. So. You are supposedly my daughter.  
  
Tifa: Apparently, yes.  
  
Jenova:*gasp* I have a brilliant plan! I'll have Rude marry you so that Shinra can grow rich  
and pay for the funds of my Sephiroth's impulsiveness!  
  
Tifa: Rude...? I'll look to like, if looking liking move.  
But no more will I indart mine eye  
Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.  
  
Jenova:Excellent. He is invited to the party. You WILL love him.  
  
Tifa: *shudder* Yes'm.  
  
*Exit all*  
*Enter Aeris, Barret and Cloud of the house of Avalanche*  
  
Aeris: Booya! We have a party to crash!  
  
Barret: Whoa... Aeris, why d'you have so many flowers??  
  
Aeris: There was a sale at the Golden Saucer.  
  
Cloud: I thought you grew flowers!  
  
Aeris: I did, but the Cathedral was torn down. Besides, buying cheap flowers is a lot easier  
than growing your own!  
  
Cloud: This party better be worth missing snowboarding for.  
  
Barret:Snowboarding? You can't even go two metres without crashing!  
  
Cloud: ...  
  
Aeris: Anyway, I'm off to blow up a reactor so you two can sneak in.   
  
Cloud: Sure, we'll use the backdoor. Tell me again why we're doing this?  
  
Barret: Cuz if we don't, Aeris'll sic her lifestream on us.  
  
Cloud: Ah, right.  
  
Aeris: Fie! Let's away. The party will start without us!  
  
*Exit all*  
  
***  
  
*Enter Cloud and Barret of the house of Avalanche into the Shinra party*  
  
Barret: Hey, looks good in here. Ok, Cloud, go work your charm on the dance floor.  
  
Cloud: Whaa?  
  
Barret: Don't be wasting Aeris' efforts! Well I'm off to get drun- uh... drums.   
Drums are good.  
  
*Exit Barret of the house of Avalanche*  
*Cloud wanders around and dances with several people. He looks across the stage and sees Tifa stage left*  
  
Cloud: O, what a joyously joyous sight! She doth teach the Mako to glow bright! It seems  
she hangs upon the cheek of night, like a drop of Mako in a SOLDIER's eye --  
Beauty too rich for my Mako-inflamed eyes to lie! Did my heart ever love till now?  
Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night!  
  
*Enter Sephiroth and Hojo of the house of Shinra stage right*  
  
Seph: Ugh! Tis that vile villain Cloud of the house of Avalanche! My masamune cries for   
some Mako-flavoured blood. Fetch me my masamune!  
  
Hojo: Content thee, Sephiroth and let him alone. After all, he is an experiment like you...  
A half-brother, if you will.  
  
Seph: I don't have to listen to the likes of you.  
  
Hojo: True. Alright then, I'll not speak a word. Do as thou wilt.  
  
Seph: Good.  
  
*Return action to stage left*  
*Enter Rude of the house of Shinra*  
  
Rude: Tifa, hun, how you chilling?  
  
Tifa: Good good, you?  
  
Rude: I got my head waxed just for you.  
  
Tifa: ... Hey Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Hi Tifa.  
  
Tifa: How do you like the party?  
  
Rude: It's great! The Mako wine going around is GREAT!  
  
Tifa: ... Cloud?  
  
Cloud: Hold on, I'm falling in love with you.   
... k.  
Tifa! I've come for you! Tell me you love me!  
  
Tifa: *Tears in eyes* My only love sprung from my only hate!  
Too early seen unknown and unknown too late!  
I must destroy you of the house of Avalanche!  
  
Cloud: You can't kill me.  
  
Tifa: Why not?  
  
Cloud: Well, for one, I'm way stronger than you, and two, because down in your heart you   
know you love me!  
  
Tifa: No I don't. ...What's that rumbling?  
  
*The floor breaks away and falls into a giant pool of glowing lifestream. Cloud grabs   
the edge and Tifa hangs onto his neck. 30 second close up on Tifa's mouthless face and   
blinking eyes as Cloud pulls them single handedly onto the cliff head*  
  
Tifa: *Phewf* ..saved!  
  
Cloud: Now do you love me?  
  
Tifa: Sure.   
  
*Enter Aeris of the house of Avalanche dancing and clutching a glass of Mako wine*  
  
Aeris: Cloud, buddy! How are you liking this party?  
  
Cloud: *looks at Tifa* Pretty dang fine.  
  
Tifa: *glares* And this would be?  
  
Cloud: Err... ah, this is a drunkie I met in Sector Seven while I was ... shopping for my  
hair glue.  
  
Aeris: Away! Tis time to be gone Cloud! Jenova of Shinra is coming around!  
  
Cloud: Right. Goodbye Tifa! You are the fairest star in all the heavens and do outshine  
all others around you to twinkle in their spheres till they return! The brightness  
of your cheek would shame those starts as daylight doth a lamp; your eyes in   
heaven--  
  
Rude: But wait! I love you Tifa! ME!   
  
Aeris: Cloud! Let's away!  
  
Cloud: I'll send place and time by Courier Chocobo by the hour of nine!  
  
Tifa: Bye. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say bye till it be morrow!  
  
*Exit all except Tifa of the house of Shinra*  
*Enter Yuffie, of the house of Shinra*  
  
Yuffie: That went well.  
  
Tifa: Didn't it though? And to think I was to be married to Rude! What is Mother Jenova  
thinking??  
  
Yuffie: You never know. Anyway,  
What lamb, what ladybird! Come Tifa, let's away as well it's time for your bath!  
  
*Exit all*  
  
  
  
  
  
---  
  
A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! They mean so much - This is the first fanfic I've written and the   
responses really brightened my day! Thanks! 


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